Driving, a time for reflection…

4 11 2018

I am traveling today to complete an “active shooter instructor” training in Springfield, Mo. I flew into St. Louis, Mo this morning and had to rent a car and drive 3+ hours to get to Springfield. Driving for me, gives me time to “mull over” things that are bothering me, ponder my next business move, think about the things that I am grateful for, and to just generally, “unplug” and enjoy the day.

At some point, in some unknown city, I pulled off looking for DQ (so much for my diet this trip). Never found it, but I happened into the local Wally world to get a couple things that I would need over the next couple of days. While “taking a break” in the men’s room there was a guy who was leaving a rather stiff message to his ex-wife (or soon to be ex)

about her taking pics at his house to prove that he has a girlfriend. Odd place to be having that conversation with her voicemail, but, none the less. He had just hung up as I was washing my hands and I felt the strong urge to simply give him some advice that was very costly for me. I told him that as a mediator for divorces, the best advice I could give was to be the “bigger parent” and don’t engage with the other side. I could see that the attitude on his face changed just a little as he realized what I was getting at. Be the best parent for your child(ren) and she can’t fight with you if you don’t argue back. Eventually, she goes away. The judge will see things for what they are. Another guy chimed in and said, “Let her be stupid and crazy, but don’t fight”. I wished him luck and went back to the car for the remaining 70 or so miles of my trip.

I spent the last hour of the trip wondering if the advice that I gave him would help, simply because, been there, done that… There is LOTS of craziness that happens in our lives and if we as men, can’t help strangers, then what is our role in society? Women have the “Sisterhood”, what do we have? Advice from personal experience, very expensive, personal experience.

I felt good about the interaction. I never got his name and will never know how things eventually turn out, but I would hope that it opened his eyes just a little to see that the most important thing are his kids. I told him that the judge would see that you were the better parent, at least making the better attempt, and to document with video anything crazy that happened in the event you needed it. But overall, just don’t engage, regardless of what happens, simply don’t engage.

A very good friend (Michael Ray King) gave me that advice many years ago, and it worked so well, just as he said it would. At first, I tried it my way attempting to prove that I was right and she was wrong. That option was very expensive and accomplished nothing. Then I tried Mike’s advice to not engage, and eventually she went away. It has been years now, and I have only heard from her a few times and have no idea what she has wanted each time she has contacted me, because I don’t care and never responded.

Do something nice for others, help a friend or stranger in the next couple of days or week if you get the opportunity. Simply the feeling is worth the effort.

Be True To Yourself.


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